All Sides

Looking back on old Sophia's Monde posts, I've come to the conclusion that my two blogs are quite different. Sophia's Monde was more about story-telling, and the stories I told were generally pretty personal. I've been a bit more reserved here on Kaffee & Suchen, making posts more issue or history specific, rather than delving into my feelings. This is not a diary, but it is supposed to be a personal account of what living here is like, both for my very curious family and friends, and for me to look back on when I'm feeling nostalgic in the future.

If I'm going to speak honestly, then the truth is there are lots of ups and downs to my life here in Berlin. It's not all cute cafés, greasy Gözleme, and foreign friends. There is plenty of all that, but there are also pangs of loneliness, stressful moments, and a hell of a lot of uncertainty. Yesterday was a down day. I was alone all day, it was cloudy out, and though I spent what felt like hours looking up job opportunities, it did not feel productive. I came the closest to hopeless that I've been since I got here. At the end of the day (ok 5pm), I curled up in bed with my favorite curry from the Thai place across the street, chatted with two of my best friends, and watched a couple movies. Then I slept for almost 10 hours.

Today was already much better. I had a pleasant interaction with the Turkish man who sold me a Borek on the street. I co-worked with a friend at our new favorite café and savored two delicious cappuccinos. I got exciting news about a professional prospect. And my sister and I chatted about all the fun things we're going to do in Istanbul next week.

I know I have it good. Correction: really good. I was able to move to the city I find most interesting in the world. I don't have visa or language problems. I have a strong support base. I have the luxury of taking time to find the right job because I'm not completely financially insecure. But I'm still a mid-20s something, single, transient girl who's not quite sure what she's doing with her life.

I write for you, but I also write for me. In a few months, or years, when I look back, I want to remember all sides of my story. Because without yesterday's clouds, today's cappuccino probably wouldn't have tasted so good.

Photo at top: Nighttime in Friedrichshain (the east)
Photo at bottom: Daytime in Charlottenburg (the west)